Looking at 'normal' with fresh eyes

Stories are a powerful way we reinforce ourselves and each other what is ‘normal’ and morals, ethics, rights, and wrongs.

Across the ages of time, mankind has reinterpreted and re-written stories and traditions. Many folk tales have been rewritten, and today sit in our bookshelves as fairy tales with the meanings quite different from originally intended. The same thing has happened with our holidays and traditions.

That’s fine. Unless we have lost something valuable in the process.

Personally, I don’t really relate to Halloween. Sure, it is fun to fancy dress, face paint, sugar rush, booze rush. But why do we do it? Why do it? Just because “it’s what we do”? Hmm…

Like a handful of others I know, I prefer to connect to what some say is the origin of Halloween, ‘Samhain’ (pronounced “SOW-in” or “SAH-win”). And in doing this, connecting to something that is more authentic for me.

Samhain can be described as an ancient Celtic tradition that was rewritten or reinterpreted by institutionalised religion.

Samhain can be said to be a time when ‘the veil between the human and spirit realms is lifted’.

Enter the dress-up; the ghouls, the ghosts and the gross! And candles in pumpkins—it is said that candles were once placed in windowsills to ward off ghosts. Samhain also points to ancient rituals connected to nature. Of fires and celebrations.

Rethinking what our traditions mean

In a world of diminishing meaning, of increased inauthenticity, and value of appearances over substance, I like to rethink what our holidays mean. And make them meaningful again.

So this Halloween, I have set time aside for reflection, connection, and not to forget… celebration.

With family, including young ones, we created our own little ceremony. We lit a candle, looked at photos and spoke of our ancestors. We thanked those who have loved us past and present for being in our life. Without them, there would be no us.

I’ve taken time out to be with nature today—to be grateful. And later will drink a splash of spirit in celebration of the beauty and cycles of nature.

In a world where society has pivoted so that many of our holidays, such as Easter, Christmas or Halloween fill the profit bank of business, rather that contentment bank of people—maybe it’s time to do a little more reinterpreting of the meanings of our holidays, at a personal level.

If traditions are not providing you with an authentic sense of comfort and belonging, maybe its time to re-examine the meaning for yourself? You can create your own traditions, with themes surrounding love, connection, gratitude, friendship or whatever brings you a sense of comfort and belonging. Inspiration is all around you.

Inspiration or creativity is sometimes about just following the thread—keep an intention in mind and follow the line to see where it leads you… and when you want to, stop. And reflect on where you have been, and where you want to go next. With a little creativity, you can write (or rewrite) the next tradition in your family.

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Image credit: White.RainForest

We can be heroes

This is a difficult time—and just as our ancestors have experienced famine, war and disease, and other traumas, this is our ordeal, that we are experiencing together.

I don't talk much about coronavirus. There's so much chat and speculation—what I know is that people and families are struggling, to say the least.

The hero’s journey

Just as in every classic hero's journey, in mythology, and films and stories, this is our ordeal. Our road of trials. 

And, just like in our films, movies and stories, our lives also take an arc. They have chapters and themes that run through our life.  

These themes, ordeals and challenges—they can be hard. This is part of the human experience. It comes with being a human. 

It is these ordeals and challenges that expand us into a better version of ourselves, that help us evolve into a better species—it changes our biology. 

However, these challenges can also be traumatic. They can bring on anxiety or other mental illnesses. Sometimes our challenges in life can be overwhelming, and inhibit us from moving forward.

At times like these we may benefit from leaning on others.

Around 65% of people who are experiencing mental illness do not reach out for help. And the longer we leave it, the harder it can be to move back into health and wellness.

Fortunately, today the topic of mental health is starting to become as ‘normal’ as physical health.

Resistance and your authentic state

Ok. Now, let's talk about Resistance.

Resistance is a force that tends to oppose things, we often resist our own growth and change, because then we are moving toward the unknown, like character entering darkness, metaphorically or literally. 

Fear has served us for centuries, but life has changed. And our brains are a little slow in adapting to our environment. 

But what we know is when it comes to doing the right thing, we need to feel the fear and do it anyway. To walk into the unknown.

We may need to have the courage to know that we may have to leave old ways, habits, and sometimes people behind for our greater good. We might have to say goodbye to a part of us we love or enjoy, but isn't good for us. 

The reality is, the reason why we love these hero stories, is that they resonant with us

Hero stories touch a part of us from deep within our psyche. 

And I believe the truth is: We all are supposed to be our own superhero.

How? Well just as the protagonist in a film, you have more tools, knowledge and support around you than you realise.

The first step is to accept the challenge, to start the journey.

The helpful key to start the journey is to listen to your inner voice, your conscience, and observe yourself.

What is the recurring problem or resistance that you face?

Is it a need for strength, restraint, to reach out, to be more loving or kind, to find simplicity or purpose? To be more disciplined? 

Is it to honour your commitments? To honour yourself? Your partner? Your body's yearning for better health?

Don’t worry. The idea is to lean into your greatest self, take small steps.

Challenges are hard. This is why sometimes we resist them. And why sometimes it is a good ideas to reach out for a little support to get through that chapter.

The superhero, YOU, always have help available. This can be through a tool, a person, or knowledge. Support is here for you.

My current challenge is to step up, and show you, and the world, my face, my thoughts, my work, my skills. And that pushes my boundaries. But I'm prepared to do it, because the end goal, or my mission, to help people and businesses to thrive, is important. 

So, it’s about priorities right? It's about stopping putting things off. Stop making excuses. And to just do it.

Let’s learn from those who have lived… and regretted not living

In an article by The Guardian in 2012 an Australian nurse who worked in palliative care `questioned the elderly about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, she said that "common themes surfaced again and again."

Number one was “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”.

Who can relate to that? Are you listening to your true calling? Are you listening to your inner voice?

The second most common regret was, “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.” That's about priorities and mindset right? How are your priorities? Money making Mindset? Are you working harder or smarter?

The third most common regret was, “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.”

This is a little sad. Our culture doesn't seem to value expression of feeling -- many of us aren't taught (through role modelling or otherwise) how to express, or talk about or even feel our feelings.

The work I do at Authentic State helps people to express their feelings. And to heal their emotions. And I help people find the courage to live a life true to themselves.

What is your current challenge?

Now, my question for you is: What is your current personal theme OR challenge in your life? 

What is the knowing or feeling inside you telling you that you are resisting? 

How can you honour your inner knowing, and step up to a greater version of yourself?

Could you use a little help moving forward?

Remember, I'm here to support people like you to cross through challenging times. I have a bag of healing and coaching tools I can share with you.

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Reference: The Guardian. 2012. Top Five Regrets Of The Dying. [online] Available at: <https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying> [Accessed 25 October 2020].

Images: Hassan OUAJBIR and Brett Jordan

Blokes mental health. Something must change.

Never before in history have we faced such a barrage of information, expectations, pitfalls and stresses. Our minds were not built for this experience, and for most of us, our parents and teachers didn’t equip us to mentally and emotionally manage this 21st century world.

Something Must Change. The Statistics on Mental Health Are Real.

Mental health, abuse and suicide rates are far too high. Addictions and dependencies are more common than ever.

• Men average six out of every eight suicides every day in Australia.

• The suicide rate among young tradesmen is three times higher than for other men.

• On average, one in eight men will experience depression at some stage of their lives.

• On average, one in five men will experience anxiety at some stage of their lives.

• Addictions and dependencies are more common than ever.

• Some even say we are experiencing an unhappiness epidemic.

In the 21st century we are looking for new ways to help cope with modern day pressures, expectations and temptations.

We are realising that traditional solutions and support structures, on their own, just aren’t cutting it anymore. We are looking for new ways to help cope with modern day pressures.

The thing is, guys often don’t want to talk to a therapist, psychologist, mate or partner. They just prefer to be fixed, like rebooting a PC or changing a spark plug. Simple. No fuss.

The great thing about how Authentic State approaches healing and therapy is that this is not a big ‘talk therapy’.

Sure, talking has its place, but I use evidence-based healing, psychological know-how and transformational coaching to connect blokes and women with their greatest and most authentic state.

With a combination of traditional therapy and complementary treatment/natural therapy, I help people who are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, addicted, stuck or experiencing other limitations, to find their way to feeling connected and whole again.

Read more about how I help blokes move forward in mental health. 

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*Statistics references

Feeling is not a dirty word

Sometimes I like to think of my body like a car.

The body, like a vehicle, moves us through life. We put fuel (food) into it. And when you listen to it, it will tell you if something is not working properly.

At some stage in history, listening the language of our body, aka our feelings, got a bad name.

‘Feelings’ haven’t always been labelled for the ‘soft’, ‘weak’ or ‘weird’. Because we evolved to have them in the first place, right? And natural selection/survival of the fittest wins, right?

Feelings are the language of the body—and powerful and insightful. Just like listening to our car, feelings let us know something good or bad is going on… or something is good or bad for us.

But be mindful, ‘feelings’ are different to body ‘sensations’ like lust, taste and satisfaction.

Feelings help us connect to others. And they make life exciting, smoochy or just fun.

But feelings can hurt too. They can be cripplingly painful. For how long, depends on how we manage our feelings.

Enter, the shutdown.

Shut your doors, eyes and heart

Many of us have learnt to shut down our feelings because it is easier and less painful than feeling rejection, hurt, grief, trauma... Shutting out feelings (stuffing them down and blocking them out) can help put a hurtful experience behind us and move forward in life.

Yes, something shutting down feelings can and are a coping mechanism. But sometimes emotional shutdowns disable us. We can become emotionally numb—causing relationships to breakdown, we can be disconnected to life, and we can lose touch of who we authentically are.

The problem is that most of us are not taught how to deal with our emotions.

The Sensitive Child

I was a ‘sensitive’ child. I found that my emotions were a tremendous roller-coaster of highs and lows. As an adult I’ve had to learn to manage this double-edged sword. And wouldn’t have it any other way today 😊.

On one hand deep emotions roll through me like the ebb and flow of the tides, on the other hand I can be extremely intuitive, insightful, creative and connected to nature and the world around me.

2020 Mental Health Month is themed ‘Tuning In’.

As a Self Directed Healing practitioner and coach, here’s a gold tip to honouring who you are at the core of you; at your emotional roots.

Honouring your feelings

If you can, when you’re feeling strong emotions, take a moment for yourself. Tune into your feelings. Especially when you are sad, anxious or hurting.

• Breathe deeply (oxygen helps the motion of feelings—to let them pass authentically and quickly).

• Locate the feeling in your body. Where is the pain, sadness, grief or other feeling? Is it in your heart, chest, gut?

• Say out loud, “I feel…”.

• Label the feeling, but do not attach yourself to the feeling. For instance, if you notice a feeling of guilt, think “this is a feeling (thought) of guilt”.

• And feel into the emotion—it wants to be felt.

• Try to keep within the location of the feeling in your body–it might move around, and that’s ok.

• Try to see, hear, sense AND feel the emotion.

• Allow it to be felt—that is all it wants to do. It wants to be able to have its moment in time.

• Feel, observe and let it pass. It will pass.

Our problems often come when we push down our feelings (with drugs, food, drink, distractions etc.), smothering and covering them. Be warned, in doing this, FEELINGS WILL NOT DISAPPEAR. They are likely to compress and compile until they manifest as an emotional explosion or illness.

e-motion

emotion meaning: The Latin word for emotion is ’emotere’, which literally means ‘energy in motion’; e-motion.

Your emotions just want to be felt, to pass through you. That’s all. They want to do what they were designed for, to be experienced. Your mind can observe them. So often we unnecessarily judge or feelings. Stop that.

Feel, observe, be.

Tune-in. Honour your emotions, allowing the energy to move through you.

It can take practice. Be patient with yourself.

The irony of all this is that feeling is actually for the brave! Those who dare win.

If you’d like to shift a cycle of negative feelings, trauma or learn more about Self Directed Healing, get in touch with me.

Authenticity, fact checking and false news

image credit: visuals

For the first time, this week Twitter labeled a post by US President Trump with a fact-check label, linking to an article stating that the content was “unsubstantiated". This transparency of Twitter fact-checking has been on the roll-out for a few months. 

Transparency is good. Thanks for the warning label Twitter. 

But surely I’m not the only online user who is thinking this label is appropriate for quite a lot of social media content?

For me, this recent fake news warning points to the notion that with freedom of speech comes personal responsibility. 

Unfortunately, we can’t trust that others are always responsible with their words, thoughts or actions. But we can try to be mindful of our own personal responsibility. And with that responsibility comes a big scoop of healthy skepticism and fact-checking. 

No doubt we'll see more ‘how-to fact check’ guides online (like this ‘How to fact check guide’ below ).

Authenticity and censorship

The thing is, if we don’t use our own discretion to:

• Research and weigh up a comment, post or article’s authenticity and trustworthiness

or

• Recognise when opinion is represented as fact,

then we are at a great risk of resting far too heavily on our authorities; law, big business, government, to dictate to us on what is real, normal and acceptable. 

Labels are helpful, but responsibility is essential. If we can’t trust that others are always responsible, then we have to take more responsibility into our own hands.

Consider this... We know Facebook continues to remove posts and other content that may “harm" users. Growing evidence tells us that “harmful” content to you and me, is not the only content we are censored from. 

Just this morning a Facebook post was removed from the account of a trusted source of mine. This person had shared a friend's post containing their pictures taken of police violence and human right violation in Hong Kong. 

Also, after being found out, apparently YouTube has been “accidentally” deleting comments that criticise the Communist Party of China. 

Why was this content censored? Who is this censorship protecting? And why?

Censorship is supposed to protect us, the people, right?

But as Noam Chomsky says “You look at the media, or at any institution you want to understand. ... You want to know something about their setting in the broader society. How do they relate to other systems of power and authority?” If the great Noam is correct, then the answer to these questions are eye-widening and disconcerting.

image credit: Keenan Constance

I’ve recently also noticed that my online search results are really bad, wrong even. 

Today, unlike this time last year, it’s harder to find reputable information sources from universities and independent organisations (even when including .edu or .org in keyword search terms and using other search tips). 

At time of writing this, my search results are more commonly media websites and social platforms. 

So it seems that annoyingly, online search algorithms are click-baiting and time-wasting me into their websites, for me only to find no substantial content related to the actual keyword search term. 

Seems I'm not alone; SEO roundtable reported yesterday that 3,000 people commented/complained about Google on a popular forum (see ‘Google's May 2020 Core Update Mess Up Google's Search Results?) Hopefully search platforms will listen to it’s ‘customers’ and remedy this. Alternatively, in the future, will people gravitate more towards the ‘dark web’?

Oh, and ‘deep fakes’ are on the rise. This month Forbes reported ‘at the beginning of 2019 there were 7,964 deep fake videos online’, and we are at risk of ‘“reality apathy”: It’s too much effort to figure out what’s real and what’s not, so you’re more willing to just go with whatever your previous affiliations are’.

What does it all mean?

So what does all this mean to you and me? 

We must not take authenticity for granted. Nor our freedom of speech. 

We are all responsible for seeking out ‘truths’, sharing trustworthy tools and information with each other, so we can have trusted information from people we trust. 

Responsibility is synonymous with adulthood. We are all responsible for speaking up for ourselves, each other and the future generations.

The big social media platforms are not twenty years old yet. As they move through their teenage years, it appears they are still figuring out who they are, and the rules they want to play by. Remember, we are all on social media because ‘everyone’ else is on these platforms. Without our presence on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter etc these platforms wouldn't exist. Business follows the customer. You really have more power that you realise, online and elsewhere.

On a final note, as digital literacy educator, Michael Caulfield says “the web is both the largest propaganda machine ever created and the most amazing fact-checking tool ever invented”.

image credit: united nations

How to fact check

See these top tips for fact-checking (courtesy of Caulfield):

• Check for previous work: Look around to see if someone else has already fact-checked the claim or provided a synthesis of research.

• Go “upstream” to the source of the claim. Most web content is not original. Get to the original source to understand the trustworthiness of the information. 

• Read laterally: Once you get to the source of a claim, read what other people say about the source (publication, author, etc.). The truth is in the network.

• Circle back: If you get lost, hit dead ends, or find yourself going down an increasingly confusing rabbit hole, back up and start over knowing what you know now. You’re likely to take a more informed path with different search terms and better decisions. 

In your search engine results (on Google, Internet Explorer, Safari, Mozilla, Duck Duck Go etc), scan the results and focus on the URLs and the blurbs to find the best result to click in the returned result set. 

You can read Caulfeild’s full book on web literacy here (the material is available under Public License).

Fact checking websites

• https://fullfact.org/

• https://theconversation.com/au/factcheck

• https://www.abc.net.au/news/factcheck/factchecks/

• https://www.factcheck.org/

• https://www.snopes.com/

• https://truthbetold.news/category/fact-checks/

• https://www.hoax-slayer.com/

• https://www.theguardian.com/news/reality-check

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Sources:

Clark, B., 2018. Fact Or Fiction? Using The Web To Quickly Fact-Check Social Media Feeds | Washington State Magazine | Washington State University. [online] Magazine.wsu.edu. Available at: <https://magazine.wsu.edu/web-extra/fact-or-fiction-using-the-web-to-quickly-fact-check-social-media-feeds/> [Accessed 28 May 2020].

Caulfeild, M., 2019. Web Literacy For Student Fact Checkers. [online] Mikecaulfield.files.wordpress.com. Available at: <https://mikecaulfield.files.wordpress.com/2019/08/web-literacy-for-student-fact-checkers-1567184081.pdf> [Accessed 28 May 2020].

Web Literacy for Student Fact-Checkers by Michael A. Caulfield is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted. 

Clark, B., 2020. Fact Or Fiction? Using The Web To Quickly Fact-Check Social Media Feeds | Washington State Magazine | Washington State University. [online] Magazine.wsu.edu. Available at: <https://magazine.wsu.edu/web-extra/fact-or-fiction-using-the-web-to-quickly-fact-check-social-media-feeds/> [Accessed 28 May 2020].

Chomsky, N., 1997. What Makes Mainstream Media Mainstream. [online] Chomsky.info. Available at: <https://chomsky.info/199710__/> [Accessed 28 May 2020].

Schwartz, B., 2020 26 May. Google's May 2020 Core Update Mess Up Google's Search Results?. [online] seroundtable.com. Available at: <https://www.seroundtable.com/google-may-2020-core-update-mess-up-29508.html> [Accessed 28 May 2020].

Toews, R., 2020 25 May. Deepfakes Are Going To Wreak Havoc On Society. We Are Not Prepared.. [online] Forbes. Available at: <https://www.forbes.com/sites/robtoews/2020/05/25/deepfakes-are-going-to-wreak-havoc-on-society-we-are-not-prepared/?fbclid=IwAR1QAqVX9fdMoblMeBW9hJVfP89nAZnhQjxTObgx8SqSYVCDv6ItVPMq_sg#4c66178c7494> [Accessed 28 May 2020].

Vincent, J., 2020. 26 May. Youtube Is Deleting Comments With Two Phrases That Insult China’S Communist Party. [online] The Verge. Available at: <https://www.theverge.com/2020/5/26/21270290/youtube-deleting-comments-censorship-chinese-communist-party-ccp> [Accessed 28 May 2020].

Eco-anxiety; how to manage climate stress

Earlier this year, I was feeling sad. My usual joys weren’t lifting my spirits. I didn't understand why, until it dawned on me.

I had been too deeply plugged into digital news and rotating images of natural disasters melting ice caps pollution plastics extinctions sufferings cruelty greed unethical politics poor leadership… I couldn't see the world around me was taking it seriously.

It wasn't until environmental activist, Greta Thunburg, shared my view waking the masses with her actions and messages about our climate emergency; "I don’t want you to be hopeful, I want you to panic"(1).

That was it. With Thunberg's and other worldwide student protests, the cry for urgent change finally hit mainstream culture (PRAISE the young!). 

Be alarmed. Not Afraid.

We are right to feel alarmed. We (you, me, our leaders and policy makers) need to be aware, think and act on climate change. We also need to think about how we ‘place’ these thoughts or issues in our minds and lives, according to how much power we have.

Depression, obsessive thinking, panic attacks, irritability, breathlessness—is how environmental challenges are affecting some of us. 

‘Eco-anxiety’ (or 'ecological grief') can be described as feeling distressed about the state of the planet, and its future.** 

The World Health Organisation regards climate change as “the greatest threat to global health in the 21st Century” (2). Whilst the Australian Medical Association declared climate change a health emergency, as do a growing list of medical bodies around the world (3). The impact of climate change on our mental health is very real.

What to do with eco-anxiety?

Situations that need radical change, require strong leadership; paired with openness and commitment to new ideas and trying new things. 

In terms of eco-anxiety, this includes how you lead yourself. By this, I mean your self-care. Your. Self. Care. 

This is caring enough about yourself to get enough rest, to eat and drink well, and to move your body. This decreases your anxiety. It helps you to respond better to the world you live according to your values and ethics. You have greater energy and clarity to align with your best and most authentic state.

Take a digital detox. Your Facebook or Insta account won't miss you for a week or two, and your mental health will perk up. Clear your mind. Refill it with positive things and gratitude for the actions for the things that have been done to help (like these six stories about climate change). Talk to like-minded people about the positive things we can do. Be kind to yourself. Know that change takes time. No one is perfect. 

Eco-therapists encourage people to take action on environmental issues.

Start with one thing. Small actions help. Perhaps create a new positive habit, like turning off lights (yes mum), or refusing single use single-use plastics like plastic straws and cutlery. 

The Climate Council Climate Action Toolkit offers information on how you can help climate change.

The United Nations say a plant based diet can help climate change (4), so perhaps explore eating less meat.

Climate change also needs strong leadership in our Governments, families, workplaces, businesses, schools, social and recreation spheres (congrats to artists like Billie Eilish and Coldplay who are leading change in the entertainment business).

Mums and dads need to be informed. It’s no longer enough to say “it will be OK”. Kids need to hear and see authentic commitment to sustainability in their families.

Children and young adults can join The Australian Youth Climate Coalition (AYCC) or School Strike 4 Climate on Facebook.

So what can you do about eco-anxiety? Take action. But be gentle with yourself. Do what works for you. Be it big or small. Take control back into your hands.

And what did I do? In August 2019 I created Authentic State—A Greater You. A Greater World™. I made a commitment to sharing tools and information to help others lean into the best versions of themselves and claim their power; to create a greater you, and a greater world. 

If this article has raised any issues for you, get in touch with Authentic State, or call Lifeline crisis support 24/7 on 13 11 14.

Read about Authentic State, and what we stand for here.

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**Symptoms of eco-anxiety can overlap with symptoms of other types of anxiety; however at the time of this article publication there is no specific diagnosis for eco-anxiety included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

References:

1. Thunberg, Greta (25 January 2019). "I want you to panic: 16-year-old issues climate warning at Davos". Guardian News. Event occurs at 2:23. Archived from the original on 17 September 2019. Accessed 20 November 2019, <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjsLm5PCdVQ&t=2m23s>
2. Good Therapy, 2018. accessed 29 November 2019, <https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/eco-anxiety>
3. Australian Medical Association, 2019, accessed 29 November 2019, <https://ama.com.au/media/climate-change-health-emergency>
4. BBC News, 2019, accessed 29 November 2019, <https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-49238749>

Image Credits: NASA , Christian Erfurt, Markus Spiske, Meghan Rodgers