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Looking at 'normal' with fresh eyes
In a world where society has pivoted so that many of our holidays, such as Easter, Christmas or Halloween fill the profit bank of business, rather that contentment bank of people—maybe it’s time to do a little more reinterpreting of the meanings of our holidays, at a personal level.
If traditions are not providing you with an authentic sense of comfort and belonging, maybe its time to re-examine the meaning for yourself? You can create your own traditions, with themes surrounding love, connection, gratitude, friendship or whatever brings you a sense of comfort and belonging. Inspiration is all around you…
Stories are a powerful way we reinforce ourselves and each other what is ‘normal’ and morals, ethics, rights, and wrongs.
Across the ages of time, mankind has reinterpreted and re-written stories and traditions. Many folk tales have been rewritten, and today sit in our bookshelves as fairy tales with the meanings quite different from originally intended. The same thing has happened with our holidays and traditions.
That’s fine. Unless we have lost something valuable in the process.
Personally, I don’t really relate to Halloween. Sure, it is fun to fancy dress, face paint, sugar rush, booze rush. But why do we do it? Why do it? Just because “it’s what we do”? Hmm…
Like a handful of others I know, I prefer to connect to what some say is the origin of Halloween, ‘Samhain’ (pronounced “SOW-in” or “SAH-win”). And in doing this, connecting to something that is more authentic for me.
Samhain can be described as an ancient Celtic tradition that was rewritten or reinterpreted by institutionalised religion.
Samhain can be said to be a time when ‘the veil between the human and spirit realms is lifted’.
Enter the dress-up; the ghouls, the ghosts and the gross! And candles in pumpkins—it is said that candles were once placed in windowsills to ward off ghosts. Samhain also points to ancient rituals connected to nature. Of fires and celebrations.
Rethinking what our traditions mean
In a world of diminishing meaning, of increased inauthenticity, and value of appearances over substance, I like to rethink what our holidays mean. And make them meaningful again.
So this Halloween, I have set time aside for reflection, connection, and not to forget… celebration.
With family, including young ones, we created our own little ceremony. We lit a candle, looked at photos and spoke of our ancestors. We thanked those who have loved us past and present for being in our life. Without them, there would be no us.
I’ve taken time out to be with nature today—to be grateful. And later will drink a splash of spirit in celebration of the beauty and cycles of nature.
In a world where society has pivoted so that many of our holidays, such as Easter, Christmas or Halloween fill the profit bank of business, rather that contentment bank of people—maybe it’s time to do a little more reinterpreting of the meanings of our holidays, at a personal level.
If traditions are not providing you with an authentic sense of comfort and belonging, maybe its time to re-examine the meaning for yourself? You can create your own traditions, with themes surrounding love, connection, gratitude, friendship or whatever brings you a sense of comfort and belonging. Inspiration is all around you.
Inspiration or creativity is sometimes about just following the thread—keep an intention in mind and follow the line to see where it leads you… and when you want to, stop. And reflect on where you have been, and where you want to go next. With a little creativity, you can write (or rewrite) the next tradition in your family.
Image credit: White.RainForest
Blokes mental health. Something must change.
Something must change. The statistics on blokes mental health are alarming.
Mental health, abuse and suicide rates are extreme. Addictions and dependencies are more common than ever.
In the 21st century we are looking for new ways to help cope with modern day pressures, expectations and temptations.
The thing is, guys often don’t want to talk to a therapist, psychologist, mate or partner. They just prefer to be fixed, like rebooting a PC or changing a spark plug. Simple. No fuss.
Never before in history have we faced such a barrage of information, expectations, pitfalls and stresses. Our minds were not built for this experience, and for most of us, our parents and teachers didn’t equip us to mentally and emotionally manage this 21st century world.
Something Must Change. The Statistics on Mental Health Are Real.
Mental health, abuse and suicide rates are far too high. Addictions and dependencies are more common than ever.
Men average six out of every eight suicides every day in Australia.
The suicide rate among young tradesmen is three times higher than for other men.
On average, one in eight men will experience depression at some stage of their lives.
On average, one in five men will experience anxiety at some stage of their lives.
Addictions and dependencies are more common than ever.
Some even say we are experiencing an unhappiness epidemic.
In the 21st century we are looking for new ways to help cope with modern day pressures, expectations and temptations.
We are realising that traditional solutions and support structures, on their own, just aren’t cutting it anymore. We are looking for new ways to help cope with modern day pressures.
The thing is, guys often don’t want to talk to a therapist, psychologist, mate or partner. They just prefer to be fixed, like rebooting a PC or changing a spark plug. Simple. No fuss.
The great thing about how Authentic State approaches healing and therapy is that this is not a big ‘talk therapy’.
Sure, talking has its place, but I use evidence-based healing, psychological know-how and transformational coaching to connect blokes and women with their greatest and most authentic state.
With a combination of traditional therapy and complementary treatment/natural therapy, I help people who are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, addicted, stuck or experiencing other limitations, to find their way to feeling connected and whole again.
Read more about how I help blokes move forward in mental health.
Are you on the ‘love-hurt’ merry-go-round?
Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says “There are two levels to your pain: the pain that you create now, and the pain from the past that still lives on in your mind and body.”
Most of us would say we want to live without pain. However Eckhart suggests we have a ‘pain body’ that seeks pain. And just like the needy monsters in the series ‘Stranger Things’, this pain body wants feeding. The hunger of the ‘pain body’ is only satisfied when we experience strong negative emotional reactions.
The ‘Pain Body’
Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says “There are two levels to your pain: the pain that you create now, and the pain from the past that still lives on in your mind and body”.
Most of us would say we want to live without pain. However, Eckhart suggests we have a ‘pain body’ that seeks pain. And just like the needy monsters in the series ‘Stranger Things’, this pain body wants feeding. The hunger of the ‘pain body’ is only satisfied when we experience strong negative emotional reactions.
The Emotional Merry-Go-Round
Does this sound familiar?
Do you and your partner bicker or argue too often?
Do you both push each other emotional buttons, and end up angry, hurt or defensive?
Do your relationships bring out feelings of shame, unworthiness, disappointment or feelings of being unloved?
Are you and your partner ‘finger-pointing’ to each other (pointing ‘blame’ or ‘responsibility’ of how you each feel, back to each other)?
Have you ever stayed too long in a relationship that fired emotional triggers, or find that time and time again, you are with different people but in the same relationship, with these same arguments?
These are examples of relationships that feed the ‘pain-body’ (the hurt creature) that lives inside you.
Relationships are not supposed to be painful. Like a ‘love-hurt’ merry-go-round, sometimes we can get stuck in a cycle of ups and downs. Our relationship is great, then a something starts the arguing and hurt, before things settle down. Then another emotional trigger starts conflict and pain, before it calms down again… you get the idea.
Are You Keeping an Eye on Your Shadow Side?
Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung (1875-1961) told us we all have a ‘Shadow’ side; the unknown dark side of the personality. This hugely influential Swede believed to truly grow as a person, one must remove willful blindness to one’s own Shadow side. Jung believed that by not wanting to look at our Shadow directly, many people project them onto others; meaning that the qualities of others we struggle with in our most intimate relationships, are qualities we are not willing to acknowledge in ourselves.
That is, qualities we have not resolved in ourselves, like a lack of kindness, acceptance and love for our selves, are replicated from our external world. So for example if you haven’t 100% accepted yourself, you will attract others who will not 100% accept you; or if you are not kind to yourself, you will attract people who are not kind to you. This perspective shares a confronting and hard truth. We live in a culture of comparison, achievement, distraction and denial, so rest assured, you’re not alone here.
Your pain-body is part of your Shadow side. When we are upset reliving old emotional pain, we are feeding our pain body.
The thing is, we often point our fingers at others in blame or as the cause of our hurt. Sure, he or she may have behaved like a complete dingbat, however it’s the extent of our reaction that is significant.
The crux of the matter is that the emotion you experience in your body, in response to your relationship today, is often due to deep-set pain from your experiences of the past and your inherited emotional biology. Past experiences of fear, loss, rejection, betrayal and other hurts and trauma become the emotional ‘imprint’, from which we unconsciously seek to repeat in relationships again and again.
You might be asking, do I really have a ‘pain-body’ that says “feed me!”, at the cost of crippling you moving forward in love, work and from being the greatest possible version of yourself? You may be asking “why would I (subconsciously) sabotage our relationships and those I love most?”. The simple answer is, because most of us don’t know we have a ‘pain-body, and we don’t know how to stop feeding the ‘pain-body’.
How to Manage Your Pain Body and Emotional Triggers
So how do we deal with the pain body?
At best, clearing the underlining, unwanted hurt (pain body) from the past, and addressing the root of the issue gets the quickest and best results. To do this you need to allow a trained healer, therapist or coach to guide you through the process. It can be a quick but profound process. Shifting the root emotional memory that has been locked in the body releases the self-limiting belief that acts like the magnet to negative behaviours.
Secondly, be mindful of ‘awareness’, ‘observation’ and ‘presence’.
Be aware when you are reacting to someone with feelings of hurt, anger or if you are offended, and consider it a ‘teachable moment’, what can you learn about yourself in that moment. This is difficult but not impossible.
Observe your feelings rather than react from your feelings.
Be present. Simply observe it and be the witness. Don’t judge it, be the space for it. Then gradually, its energy will decrease.
Try this as a personal experiment across the next couple of weeks and see what happens for yourself.
Self Directed Healing
At Authentic State Coaching, we are passionate about removing patterns of pain and trauma, enabling people to embrace their best self and greatest life in health, love and careers.
Through ‘Self Directed Healing’ we help people clear old triggers and dissolve the ‘pain-body’. This is like a life-hack; a quick and long-lasting remedy to your pain body. Imagine being set free from old hurts and unhealthy relationship patterns.
Read more about Self Directed Healing here.
Image Credits: Stijn te Strake | ScottWebb